


Behind Blue Eyes

by little_werewolf



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 15:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4882342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_werewolf/pseuds/little_werewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wondered for a moment if anyone was going to miss him. If anyone would notice if he just disappeared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind Blue Eyes

The city had gone dark when Tony had stepped out on to the terrace of the tower. He walked over to the edge, rubbing the metal bracelet around his wrist as he sat down, letting his legs dangle from the edge. He leant back on his arms and enjoy the small rush of freedom that went through him right now. There were no expectations out here, just him and the world. 

Letting out a heavy sigh, Tony sat up properly again and let his gaze wander over the city. Nothing seemed wrong from up here. He could pretend that the world was at peace, that he and everyone else out there was happy. That he didn’t have to worry about someone having stolen some of his tech, that his teammates were safe, or that the world was going crash on them any time soon. He didn’t have to worry about portals suddenly opening up in the sky, gods coming back to earth and manhandling it like it was their own. 

Out here, Tony could just be himself. Whoever that still was. 

He wondered for a moment if anyone was going to miss him. If anyone would notice if he just disappeared. He knew that if he just pushed himself a little bit forward, he would plummet down to the ground. His body would come to such a speed, that as soon as he would hit the pavement, he wouldn’t even feel the pain. 

Tony fingered the metal bracelet on his wrist again, his body tense. He could still call the suit. It would catch him before he’d hit the pavement. And he knew that he would. It would be the easy way out, the last bit of control he still had over his all. 

Or, he realised, he could take the sleeping pills he had been given. The ones that were supposed to keep the nightmares at bay. Those that he could take right before going to bed and would make sure he wouldn’t wake up until the next morning. He would just have to take a few more then necessary. His body wouldn’t be able to deal with the toxins, he would sleep himself to death. He wouldn’t be able to stop it once it was done. No going back. No suit to save the day. 

He looked back over his shoulder for a moment, into the tower where everyone else was at. They would be able to do all of this without him. They didn’t need Tony anymore. After all, he just caused the trouble in the first place. 

“No one needs me,” he murmured and then let himself lie back down on the ground, staring up into the sky. 

“Tony?” Steve’s voice suddenly came from the other end of the terrace, and Tony turned his head over into the direction where it had come from.

“Hey Cap,” Tony replied quietly, looking back up at the sky. He didn’t want to move. 

“What are you doing out here?” Steve asked, and Tony listened to the even footsteps coming closer to him. 

“It’s called enjoying the view Rogers,” Tony replied with his trademark smirk, even if it didn’t reach his eyes. He pouted when Steve stood next to him, leaning slightly over him and obstructing his view from the sky. 

“At this time? You’re going to freeze,” Steve said, and he actually sounded concerned. Tony shrugged, shifting so that he could move to sit up properly again.

“I am fine, see, I am still rather warm,” Tony said with a roll of his eyes, holding his hand up for Steve to touch. What he didn’t expect that when Steve grabbed his hand, he pulled him up as well, away from the edge and right into his strong arms. 

Tony stumbled a little on his feet, his other hand moving to rest on Steve’s chest. Steve’s arms felt good, warm and comforting, and he couldn’t stop himself for a moment to lean in closer. It had been too long since anyone had held him like this, touched him any kind of way. 

“Steve…” Tony murmured hesitantly, insecure of what was suddenly going on.

“I don’t want you sitting so far by the edge,” Steve ground out and he sounded angry. Tony frowned, his other hand now free and moving to rest it against Steve’s chest as well.

“Steve… nothing was going to happen. See this bracelet? It calls the suit. I kept it. It would have caught me before anything could have happened,” Tony explained, looking up at Steve of what he hoped was a reassuring expression. However the man just looked down at him with those puppy eyes that made Tony swallow, wondering what exactly was going on in Steve’s mind.

“I need you,” Steve ground out, his hold tightening around Tony for a moment. “I need you, so don’t… don’t you dare…” and Tony didn’t even get around to reply, wondering just how long Steve had been standing in the shadows of the terrace watching him, as he suddenly felt the man kissing him. It took Tony a moment before he managed to return the kiss, his fingers fisting into the other man’s shirt. He whimpered when Steve pulled away, feeling suddenly rather vulnerable. Like he couldn’t hide himself from Steve any longer. 

“I wasn’t going to…” Tony murmured, his voice hoarse, swallowing against the lump that was growing in his throat. 

“Then you better don’t even think about considering it,” Steve said, his expression slowly softening. “And if you ever do… you come to me. Okay? You’re not alone.” 

Tony fought the emotions as much as he could, but at the end he couldn’t help but for the sob to escape his lips. He turned his head so that he could rest his cheek against Steve’s chest, the tears falling as he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He simply concentrated on the strong hold that Steve had on him, and soon enough he found himself calming down again. 

“Come on, let’s get you into bed,” Steve murmured softly, putting his arm around Tony’s shoulders and guiding him back inside of the tower.

“You don’t need to…” Tony started, feeling exhausted and looking up at Steve with a tentative smile. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know, but you don’t always have to. So be quiet, and let me do this. We’ll talk tomorrow,” Steve replied with a warm smile, giving Tony’s shoulders a gentle squeeze. 

Tony couldn’t do anything but nod. He kept quiet as Steve let him back inside and straight for his bedroom. Closing the door behind them and telling Jarvis that they were not supposed to be disturbed, he led Tony over to the bed. A few minutes later, Tony was undressed and tucked into bed, Steve lying curled up against his back, arms wrapped securely around him. 

“Do you really need me?” Tony couldn’t help but ask as he felt his eyes starting to close. 

“Forever and always,” Steve replied softly. “Now sleep,” he murmured, pressing a small kiss against Tony’s neck. “I’ll watch over you.” 

Tony smiled, stopping to the fight the exhaustion and simply letting himself fall asleep. He didn’t have any nightmares that night.

**Author's Note:**

> My shout out to everyone who feels depressed or suicidal. Life is important. Please reach out in case you don't think it's possible to go on. Please click [here](http://moonygarou.tumblr.com/post/129483648175/slenbee-stay-strong-everyone-if-you-need) should you need to reach out to someone.
> 
> Remember, you will always be needed.


End file.
